Why didn't anyone tell me?!?!?!? Why!?!?!?! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

CNN.com - Pat Morita, 'Karate Kid's' Mr. Miyagi, dies - Nov 25, 2005.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Actor Pat Morita, whose portrayal of the wise and dry-witted Mr. Miyagi in "The Karate Kid" earned him an Oscar nomination, has died. He was 73.

Morita died Thursday at his home in Las Vegas of natural causes, said his wife of 12 years, Evelyn. She said in a statement that her husband, who first rose to fame with a role on "Happy Days," had "dedicated his entire life to acting and comedy."

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If ever I should die and someone would deem it glorious to create a memorial for me, I would ask that two plaques be placed near the site: a joke plaque and a real plaque.

One would read:

"This is a plaque. A plaque is a plate of metal attached to a wall or other vertical surface and bearing text in memory of an important figure or event."

The other would read:

"This plaque is currently out of order. Please consult adjacent plaque"

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Well, it turns out that my dad was trying to dig an escape route from our basement to civilization. Luckily, we caught him in time and he has been given an even harsher sentence. On another note, the hole he dug lead to an abandoned chimney system in our house. The hole was closed off a long time ago and was filled with ash for all this time.

While clearing it out, he found unburned pieces of coal, a few marbles or something of the like and a few unburned pieces of paper. Now, I'm a huge history nerd so I just had to examine these things. Below are a few of the more interesting things found.







That last one is a nearly complete medical pamphlet. I say nearly because the cover and back pages seem to be almost entirely missing but the meat of the book is still there.







Now, I am really excited with all these things. If you look at the second picture, you'll be that it is a notice saying, "News Almanac and Year-Book for 1906 is now on sale." These things are almost 100 years old. I am amazed. If I find a coin (ANY coin) in there I will just be floored. Updates as they happen!

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There was once a stone cutter who was dissatisfied with himself and with his position in life.

One day he passed a wealthy merchant's house. Through the open gateway, he saw many fine possessions and important visitors. "How powerful that merchant must be!" thought the stone cutter. He became very envious and wished that he could be like the merchant.

To his great surprise, he suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined, but envied and detested by those less wealthy than himself. Soon a high official passed by, carried in a sedan chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow low before the procession. "How powerful that official is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a high official!"

Then he became the high official, carried everywhere in his embroidered sedan chair, feared and hated by the people all around. It was a hot summer day, so the official felt very uncomfortable in the sticky sedan chair. He looked up at the sun. It shone proudly in the sky, unaffected by his presence. "How powerful the sun is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the sun!"

Then he became the sun, shining fiercely down on everyone, scorching the fields, cursed by the farmers and laborers. But a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine on everything below. "How powerful that storm cloud is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a cloud!"

Then he became the cloud, flooding the fields and villages, shouted at by everyone. But soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. "How powerful it is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be the wind!"

Then he became the wind, blowing tiles off the roofs of houses, uprooting trees, feared and hated by all below him. But after a while, he ran up against something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it - a huge, towering rock. "How powerful that rock is!" he thought. "I wish that I could be a rock!"

Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. "What could be more powerful than I, the rock?" he thought.

He looked down and saw far below him the figure of a stone cutter.

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This summer my goal in life...no, my mission from GOD is to create a delicious sandwich. One which you will tell your children about and the sandwich which all other sandwiches are measured. I will have to find the perfect bread. The perfect meats. The perfect cheese. The perfect condiments. All pieces of the eternal sandwich mystery.

Join me on my epic quest if you wish but I must tell you now, not all of you will make it. Some of you won't return. Some will die in Wisconsin as we're looking for cheeses. But for the survivors, we will eat like victors and the skulls of our enemies will overflow with mead!

So far, I might need help with this quest. The only help I have is this site. Be warned, it has a sound file.

Sandwich Lover's Club

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I think this qualifies as the sexiest crime of the week.

Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say - Yahoo! News

In other news, I'm contemplating whether I want to start venting in this blog and chronicling my daily happenings. I'd be interested in what the three people who read this blog think. I dunno.

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Part I: The Rise of the Muffin King

Far away in a distant realm, there exists a magical land of food. A land blessed by the baker god and populated by his creations; cookies, pasties and candies, all living their life in peace and happiness. And in the eyes of this benevolent god, there was a just and mighty king in this land.

The Muffin King ruled the Muffin Kingdom for many years and all of the muffins in this kingdom truly loved the king greatly. There was never a time when the king would let his subjects suffer alone. If there were little food that harvest, he would eat less himself and if a church burned down, he would be on the site mixing a wheelbarrow of frosting to help construction. The Muffin King saw his duty to protect the citizens of his kingdom and his land and his citizens saw their duty to protect the king if the need would ever arise.

But then one fateful day, the communist Candyland gingerbread soldiers invaded the small border town of Blueberry. A small muffin rode his cracker horse many miles to deliver the news of the event personally to the muffin king and with him, he brought tales of the destruction of the village and murder of its citizens. In response, the king called for the Muffin Knights in his kingdom to gather together in the capitol and prepare to march. War had been declared.

The Muffin/Cookie War has since lasted many years and taken a considerable toll on the citizens of both lands. Many villages had been conquered and ravaged for resources and food, many Muffin Knights and Gingerbread Soldiers have crumbled on the battlefield and for those that did survive, on numerous occasions, many prisoners of war had been sent to the oven. When things looked at its worst for the Muffin Kingdom, disaster struck.

One early spring morning, a Candyland warbird was able to infiltrate the Muffin capital airspace and unload a Two-Ton Gumdrop unto the capital building, killing all the royal advisors and greatly wounding the Muffin King. The muffins nearby rushed to the aid of the Muffin King and soon the word spread that the King was in danger of dying. Doctors and scientist from the corners of the kingdom came to the king’s aid and there was never a time when his body was alone.

His body, however, started drying up and crumbling. There was little the doctors could do in this situation. His body was simply failing. The men viewing the body of the Muffin King knew that there was only one way to save his mind. They would have to rebuild his body. Quickly, they began work on a new suit and engineers were brought quickly to help.

With each passing minute, the gingerbread soldiers were able to push back the unguided Muffin Knights. Muffin citizens and Muffin knights quickly retreated to the capital city that was soon surrounded by the lifeless eyes of thousands of Gingerbread Soldiers and in the back, stood up one soldier without any battle scars. This was Comrade Gingerbread, the leader of the Communist Candyland Military Coup and mastermind behind the invasion of the Muffin Kingdom. He stood looking over the city with a smile and with one outstretched hand, he told his soldiers, “Destroy it!”

The soldiers ran to the gates of the capital but soon all stopped and stared at a mysterious sight. They did not know it, but there blocking the path to the capital was the Muffin King. Now wearing his golden brown battle armor covered in flames to protect his inner temperature. His arms and legs had been replaced with robotic hydraulics to give him the strength of hundreds of Muffins. In his right hand, his royal Scepter had been formed into the shape of a battle-axe and on his head he wore the helmet of a fallen Muffin Knight.

The Muffin King looked over the invading Gingerbread horde and in his helmet, he smiled. He stretched his left hand toward his enemy and in a loud voice said, “Who’s first?”

To be Continued…

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